I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I love Valentine’s Day. This has less to do with hallmark and romance of it all (truth be told, in our seventeen years together, my husband and I have exchanged gifts only one of those years, and it’s rare that a date night happens for us on Valentine’s Day itself) and more to do with loving the pink-red color combo and relishing a holiday in the middle of dreary February. 

But I also welcome the opportunity, at any point in the year, to reflect on virtue, examine my relationships, and ponder ways that I can strengthen and deepen my character. You guessed where this is going: Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to contemplate the virtue of love and to consider how it shows up in my life as well as how it can bloom even bigger. 

One of the greatest resources that I think we as Christians have for developing our understanding of love is chapter 13 from St. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians. The thirteen verses have become somewhat cliche, as they’re a staple wedding reading, but a close read of the chapter reminds us just why they’re so popular. The chapter is poetic, it’s deep, it’s detailed, and it’s specific. It’s a primer on love! 

In honor of Valentine’s Day, let’s read 1 Corinthians 13 together and reflect on how we can live it out love our daily lives.

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly,but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Start the day with love.

Verse one, translated to the realm of parenting young children, goes like this: “If I offer guidance and teach valuable lessons but do not express love through hugs and care, my words will be unwelcome.” Look, as a parent, a big part of our job is to discipline and correct our children when needed; and as parents, we know that our discipline and correction are coming from a place of love. But for children, displays of love must be overt and frequent, and they really should outnumber any words that feel harsh or correcting by at least a ratio of five to one. An easy way to work towards this end? Start every day with a hug, a kiss, and a warm greeting. 

Pause. Count to five. 

Love is patient. That one’s hard, right? Patience is a muscle, and it grows when we put repeated and consistent effort into growing it. One way to do that is to practice patience even in moments when you don’t necessarily need to. As you are going about your day, pause every now and then and count to five with slow, steady breaths before moving on to the next task. Slowing down and decreasing the sense of urgency that so often fills our days is a precursor to patience. 

Reach out.

Stop right now and think of someone you know who could use some encouragement (hint: probably most people you know fit this bill in one way or another). Send them a text letting them know that you are thinking of them, and offer a word or two of affirmation. That’s kindness. 

Adjust expectations. 

Irritability may be even more of a problem for me than impatience, hard as that is to admit! I just get annoyed so easily. When I pause to take an inventory of the things that irritate me, I realize that most of them are just the ordinary things of life, particularly life in a house full of people (many of whom are children). Open cabinets, clutter, numerous loud voices talking at once, not being able to find the tape dispenser (even though it has a clearly designated home!), this is the stuff that drives me crazy.

I read somewhere that so often complaining is the result of unrealistic expectations — we complain about bad weather when we expected good weather; we complain about long waits when we expect short ones — and I think the same can be said for irritability. I get annoyed when things don’t go the way I expect them to, when the noise is as a higher volume than I wanted, or the house isn’t as tidy as I hoped, or the tape isn’t where it belongs. But do you know what? These are the ordinary disruptions of life, and if I want to be loving, I have got to decrease my irritability relating to these petty annoyances. The trick for that, it seems, is in adjusting expectations. As I drive home from work, expect the noise level of my home to be high and the floor to be covered in toys. If I expect it, it won’t bother me so much. 

Think of three things for which you are grateful.

It’s hard to turn off envy in the hard moments when it strikes (we want what we want, right?!), but St. Paul is clear: love is not envious. While we can’t will our way out of a difficult feeling (shouting to ourselves, “don’t be envious, don’t be envious, don’t be envious!” is a little bit like saying, “don’t think about refrigerators!” Where does that get you?!), we can take conscious steps to lessen the grip that certain emotions have on our brains and hearts. The antidote to envy is gratitude, so try this: anytime you find yourself feeling jealous, or wishing you had something that you don’t, make a list of three things for which you’re grateful.

Love never ends, St. Paul tells us, and we help it grow in our lives when we make conscious choices to cultivate it. Let’s let 1 Corinthians 13 remind us of the ways that we can lean into and grow our love. Especially today. Happy Valentine’s Day, friends!